Those eyes

THOSE EYES

It felt like the 4th of July, maybe because it was the month of July, but that's not what I mean, I mean that specific day felt like a 4th of July with all the fireworks, sparkles in the eye, like the sky is full of parole and pink shades. It was crazy how a mundane morning of July could feel like a breezy evening of 4th of July. But, I felt it, now what changed that day? I would say my whole life.

Tara, the girl who had a crush on me, merely just a girl with a curious  nature and pretty eyes. I'll never in a million years would understand how in this universe she landed her eyes on me, out of all the guys. In school, I was just a guy who was trying to survive throughout each class, dealing with my own insecurities and family issues. In the midst of all that, her presence every day in class was like satisfaction to my eyes, every day. I just never allowed myself to be near her, as I didn't want to burden her with my troubles, but meanwhile I wanted to be with her so bad, during those days I wished I could live in some kind of multiverse, where I live happily with her, experiencing all the cute moments in school, building our story moment by moment. However, it wasn't the case. Neither I was Doctor Strange nor anybody cared. Therefore, I tried to avoid her, as much as I could, hoping to see her happy without my presence. 

In usual days it was easy, but then came the day when the school uniform changed, now the girls also had the same uniform as boys with pant, shirt, tie and a blazer. For boys, the change was not so much. I entered the class, and there she was, with the same uniform as mine, though the pants were pencilled for girls. I don't know what happened to me on that day, why or how I felt the way I felt? But, those questions weren't enough to keep me occupied that day. She was looking smart and fabulous that day. For me, that day was my 4th of July, I wish I could picture her in that uniform and keep it to myself forever. 

It was lunch, and I was still struck by her new look. She was having lunch, while I was trying to look at her by avoiding eye contact. I stood up and went up to the water cooler to fill my bottle, trying my best to avoid her. I looked on my side and Tara was there to fill her bottle. I wished I could pause the moment but I couldn't, I wished I could tell her how I feel, but I couldn't, I wish I could steal her and keep her, but again I couldn't. But it wasn't the time to be lost, before I realised my mouth uttered..

“The new uniform suits you”

She looked at me “thanks naveen, lucky for you guys you didn't have to buy new uniform”

I smirked, “do you mind fashion tips?”

She said “No, open to all, what's the tip tell me”

I hesitantly said “You could remove your glasses, it compliments your uniform”

She tried to hide but I saw she blushed a little. She asked

“You note my eyes?”

I nervously said “oh no no, I didn't mean that, I was just… you know.. umm..”

She laughed and interrupted “naveen, thanks for the tip, though it will turn me blind but glad somebody note my eyes”

I relaxed, and she walked away. That interaction was everything to me. It was a weird feeling of knowing that she could never be mine, but I had this moment with me that I could cherish forever.

10 YEARS LATER

Sitting on the same bench, 10 years later at an alumni meet was something soothing to my mind and soul. I received many invitations in the past years but I never visited. I don't know what happened this time, I was so eager to come back to the same place, after so many years, like something was calling me. But forget it, now it's all behind me, I need to move on, I need to find my closure, maybe that's why I'm here. I got up and walked towards the school grounds, where the party was taking place. The first person I saw there were my old time pals, whom I didn't expect to see there honestly, I mean who expect to meet the same people in the 10th alumni meet, maybe 1 or 2 but not 10th. Anyways, I was glad to see them, it was such an overwhelming feeling but at the same time I needed that. After 10 years of constant overthinking of the same interaction, the same person I deserved it, along with a few drinks. I went upto the drink table to make whiskey old fashioned, and I heard someone calling my name..

“Naveen, hey Naveenn” 

I looked behind, flabbergasted, too stunned to talk, anybody could tell that from my face. So, Tara proceeded the conversation.. 

“How have you been?”

“Umm..great.. u know great..so.. umm.. What about you?”

“Well,  I'm good too, though are you ok?”

“Yes, yes I'm totally ok” struggling to regain my conscious but I did. 

In my mind all those scenarios, past interaction came down flushing in front of my eyes, it was like the universe was trying to give me a message, a hint that I understood after Tara came in front of me. We, plated our dinner together from the buffet while sharing our present life, about our career, family and marital status obviously. I mean, honestly, speaking I just wanted to know that only but glad to know that she was single. I don't know how the rest of the night passed by, I mean in school it was hard for me to even talk with her, and here we were 10 years later sitting and talking about our life, like nothing has changed, not even a single day had passed by, and we were just bunch of students attending school. In the middle of our conversation, that night, I gathered my courage and asked her..

“Hey.. Tara I need to ask you something” 

“Yes, what is it?”

I confidently asked “if you are free tomorrow, could we hang out, maybe get coffee or for a movie maybe?”

She realised where I'm taking the conversation, suddenly she was aware of her surroundings and of the present moment, almost like she was hesitant to speak. So, I continued..

“It's fine, it's completely your decision, I didn't mean to make you nervous”

She said “oh no, it's not that, but you know I had a crush on you in school right, but I guess for you it was never meant to be, so now what happened, what changed your mind?”

“Oh no..no Tara, who said it was never meant for me, It was always you, I don't where to begin from to tell you how much you mean to me till this date. It's just..” suddenly I couldn't utter any words out of my mouth.

Tara hold my hand, and comforted me with her gaze.

I continued “ it's just you know in school, how my life was, I didn't want to hurt you or put you through any trouble because of my family issues, I was just too embarrassed to ask you to be with me”

Her gaze softened and looked at me with teary eyes, but she was braver than I thought, she collected herself, sniffed out and said mockingly..

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